Non-Jews are for practice
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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