So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
