Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize