so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
