pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
