he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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