you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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