The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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