I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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