you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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