If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
