I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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