I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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