Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
