I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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