I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't think brook has ever known best
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
