It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
