I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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