The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
