We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
