Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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