Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
