We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
