Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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