I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
