You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
