I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
