i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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