Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
