My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
