she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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