I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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