his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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