so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
