as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
