I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need to stop coming to work sober
only if we run a train.
done.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
