Only a mothe r could love this liver
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
