I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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