White coat. Heels.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you had me at cake vodka
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
