There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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