Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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