summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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