My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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