Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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