I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
