Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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