the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
