my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
