ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
