tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
