I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
