Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
