OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
