The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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