Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
