I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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