I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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