I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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