If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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