How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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