I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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