Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
