two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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