just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
