im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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