hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
