Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
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