He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
