My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
