I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
