Redeem this text for a blowjob
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.