People in love make me want to vomit
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she pinky promised me she was 18
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he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.