Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts. http://tfl.nu/1fhj
  Replies (112) Good night (1464) Bad night (4408)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up. http://tfl.nu/8n4w
  Replies (7) Good night (849) Bad night (4768)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5735) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9672) Bad night (1321)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway. http://tfl.nu/j8p7
  Replies (28) Good night (1365) Bad night (9733)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7613) Bad night (1307)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You make shower sex sound like waterboarding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You make shower sex sound like waterboarding http://tfl.nu/cy83
  Replies (28) Good night (3473) Bad night (2602)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s
  Replies (22) Good night (838) Bad night (5475)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public? http://tfl.nu/ycaq
  Replies (10) Good night (1200) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how http://tfl.nu/4odx
  Replies (18) Good night (1346) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations." http://tfl.nu/7d4e
  Replies (7) Good night (557) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day. http://tfl.nu/haxq
  Replies (3) Good night (759) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea http://tfl.nu/2xog
  Replies (0) Good night (319) Bad night (256)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered. http://tfl.nu/p8yt
  Replies (0) Good night (645) Bad night (204)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras http://tfl.nu/4zxu
  Replies (1) Good night (243) Bad night (273)

Randomize