these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches