Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.