she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell