I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.